If you’ve ever walked out of an arena feeling crushed, frustrated, or questioning why you even do this sport, this is for you.

Bad days in riding hurt differently. Not because of the score, the poles, or the result itself, but because of how much meaning we attach to it. We invest time, money, energy, identity, and heart. When it doesn’t go to plan, it can feel personal.

This article explores what mental toughness in riding really means, why setbacks feel so overwhelming, and how to move forward without bypassing your emotions or beating yourself up.

Why Bad Rides Hit So Hard

When something goes wrong in competition or training, most riders don’t just think:

“That didn’t go well.”

Instead, the mind jumps straight to:

• What does this say about me?

• Am I actually good enough?

• Have I wasted all this effort?

• Why can everyone else do this but me?

The harder you work, the more emotionally invested you are, and the deeper the disappointment cuts.

Here’s the important reframe:

Your frustration is not a weakness. It’s proof that this matters to you.

Caring deeply about your riding is a privilege, even when it hurts.

Mental Toughness Isn’t What You Think

In equestrian sport, mental toughness is often misunderstood.

It’s not:

• never feeling fear

• always being confident

• staying positive at all costs

• pushing emotions aside

• pretending things don’t affect you

That version of “mental toughness” usually leads to emotional suppression, not resilience.

Real mental toughness is your ability to cope with discomfort.

That includes:

• disappointment

• frustration

• anxiety

• self-doubt

• embarrassment

• fear of judgment

Being mentally tough doesn’t mean you don’t feel these things.

It means you can feel them and still move forward.

It’s Okay to Feel Disappointed (Really)

One of the biggest mistakes riders make after a bad performance is rushing to “fix” the feeling.

We tell ourselves:

• I shouldn’t feel like this.

• Other people have it worse.

• I should just be grateful.

But emotional processing doesn’t work on a schedule.

Sometimes you need to:

• feel sad

• feel angry

• vent to someone who understands

• cry in the lorry

• sit quietly and do nothing for a moment

Allowing the emotion is not the same as getting stuck in it.

In fact, suppressing emotions often keeps you stuck longer.

Coping Looks Different for Everyone

There is no single “right” way to handle a setback.

Some riders need to talk it out.
Some need silence.
Some need movement.
Some need time.

Coping does not always look like:

• being strong

• having clarity

• knowing what to do next

Sometimes coping looks like:

• loading your horse even though you want to quit

• driving home after a rough weekend

• putting one foot in front of the other

• simply surviving the day

And that counts.

If you’re still here, still riding, still showing up, you are coping.

Why Quitting Feels So Tempting After a Bad Day

After disappointment, your brain often searches for relief.

That’s when thoughts like these appear:

• Maybe this just isn’t for me.

• I should stop before I embarrass myself again.

• I’d be happier doing something easier.

This isn’t logic, it’s fear.

Fear tries to protect you from discomfort by convincing you to avoid the source of pain.

But growth only happens when we stay engaged, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The Question That Changes Everything

When emotions settle (not immediately, later), one question helps you regain perspective:

Why do I do this?

If the answer is purely results-based, setbacks will always feel devastating.

But if the answer is:

• to grow

• to challenge yourself

• to become a better rider over time

• to build partnership with your horse

Then setbacks stop being evidence that you’re failing, and start becoming information.

Progress Is Not Linear (And Never Was)

We like to imagine progress as a straight line:

Better → better → better → success

But real progress looks more like:

Up → down → stuck → breakthrough → doubt → confidence → setback → growth

Every rider you admire has lived through:

• rough competitions

• self-doubt

• frustration

• moments of wanting to quit

The difference isn’t talent.

It’s their ability to keep going through discomfort.

Nothing Is Final, And That Changes Everything

One bad test.
One bad round.
One bad weekend.

None of it is proof that you’re not good enough.

Nothing is fatal.
Nothing is final.
Everything is temporary.

Every challenge carries information, if you give yourself the space to learn from it.

Reach Out, You’re Not Alone

One of the most powerful things you can do after a setback is talk to someone.

Not someone who will minimize it.
Not someone who will judge you.

But someone who understands the emotional weight of this sport.

When riders start sharing honestly, they often realize:

“I’m not the only one who feels like this.”

And that realization alone can be deeply freeing.

Final Thoughts: This Is What Growth Feels Like

Riding is not just physical; it’s emotional, mental, and deeply human.

Growth will:

• challenge your identity

• test your confidence

• make you uncomfortable

• stretch your coping skills

And that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re doing something that matters.

If you’re in the middle of a rough phase right now, trust this:

You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not failing.

You’re learning how to cope, and that is real mental toughness.

Dive deeper into this topic by listening to the full Podcast Episode 'How To Keep Going After a Bad Competition'.

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