As riders, we're often much better at encouraging other people than we are at encouraging ourselves.

Think about it. When a friend has a difficult competition, makes a mistake in training or feels frustrated with their progress, we're usually quick to remind them how far they've come. We encourage them to keep going, focus on what they've learned and not let one difficult experience define them.

But when it comes to ourselves, things can look very different.

One mistake, one training session that doesn't go to plan or one competition that leaves us disappointed, and suddenly we're questioning everything.

I should have done better.

I should know this by now.

Why can't I get this right?

Sound familiar?

When high expectations turn into self-criticism

Having high expectations isn't necessarily a bad thing. Wanting to improve, challenge yourself and achieve more with your horse can be a great source of motivation.

But sometimes, without even realizing it, those expectations can turn into constant self-criticism.

We focus on what went wrong instead of recognizing what went well. We replay mistakes long after a ride has finished. We overlook our progress because we're too busy thinking about how much further we still have to go.

And we convince ourselves that being hard on ourselves is what keeps us motivated.

But here's something worth considering:

You can hold yourself to high standards without constantly putting yourself down.

Being kinder to yourself doesn't mean making excuses, ignoring mistakes or giving up on improving. It means learning to recognize that you're human, that progress takes time and that making mistakes is part of becoming a better rider.

You can acknowledge something didn't go as planned without turning it into a reason to doubt your abilities.

Try this simple mindset shift

The next time you finish a ride feeling frustrated with yourself, or catch yourself being overly critical, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

"Would I say this to someone I care about?"

Imagine your best friend has just had the exact same experience. Would you tell them they're not good enough? Would you remind them of everything they should have done better? Would you expect them to get everything right?

Probably not.

You'd likely offer them a little perspective, remind them of their progress and help them see what they can take away from the experience.

So why shouldn't you offer yourself that same understanding?

Try changing the way you speak to yourself.

Instead of:

"I should have done better."

Try:

"I'm learning, and I know what I want to work on next time."

Instead of:

"I can't believe I made that mistake."

Try:

"That didn't go as planned, but what can I learn from it?"

Instead of:

"I'm so far behind where I should be."

Try:

"I'm allowed to be where I am while still working towards where I want to go."

You don't have to pretend everything went perfectly. You simply need to give yourself the same kindness and understanding you'd offer someone else.

You don't have to choose between kindness and ambition

One of the biggest misconceptions about being kinder to yourself is that you'll somehow become less driven.

That if you stop criticizing yourself, you'll stop pushing yourself to improve.

But the two don't have to go hand in hand.

You can be ambitious and compassionate towards yourself at the same time.

You can want to compete at a higher level, improve your technique and achieve your goals while still appreciating the rider you are today.

Your mistakes don't erase your progress. A difficult day doesn't take away everything you've worked for. And you don't have to be disappointed in yourself to prove that you care about improving.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your riding is to give yourself a little breathing room.

A question to take into your next ride

The next time you catch yourself being critical, take a moment to notice how you're speaking to yourself.

Ask yourself whether you'd use those same words with someone you care about.

If the answer is no, what could you say differently?

You don't need to get it right every time. Just start noticing the difference.

Because becoming a better rider isn't only about what you do in the saddle. It's also about how you support yourself mentally through the ups, downs, mistakes and everything in between.

You can be your own biggest supporter without lowering your standards. 💚

And sometimes, that's exactly the mindset shift you need.

If you'd like to explore this further, we have an episode that dives deeper into the expectations we put on ourselves as riders, why we can be so hard on ourselves, and how to develop a healthier relationship with our own mistakes and progress. 

Click below 👇 to listen to the episode.
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